#4: Avoiding Korea

The intel Airman is about eight months from their time to move from their current base.  They've been frantically checking Equal Plus listing for a job they can pick and determine the next three to four years of their life on their own terms.  Well, that is what they'll tell their co-workers, but what they are really doing is trying to get out of going to Korea.  There is every single intelligence job in Korea, somewhere, most likely Osan Air Base, which is massive and yes, they'll be there one full year.  A General once called Osan the "Olympic training grounds for alcoholism".  Korea represents the place where one goes for a year of very basic, very mundane, and very been-there-done-that intel.  Essentially, nothing has changed since 1953.  And, you're usually about a million miles from your old base and family with no chance of them coming to see you.  Deployments are one thing, a base that isn't 'good' is another, but most intel Airmen avoid Korea like the plague.

For the single Airman, it's essentially four years of college drinking in one year.  Bars, juicy girls, bars, and nothing but greasy food to eat make Korea an oddity when they hear about it.  It's mildly scary because those that have been there expound on how "crazy" it is and they feel they won't be able to live up to the hype.

Then there's the married intel Airman.  They hate the thought of Korea for so many additional reasons.  At the top of list is being extremely far from family, living back in a 50 x 50ft dorm room (with a roommate if your E4 and below), and that damn itching temptation of many, many women everywhere (Korean, Philippine, Russian, and American).  By no means am I suggesting everyone cheats, but the 'temptation' is there and it scares some.

Korea can be such a baffling place, there was a legendary book written that few attained, but most had heard of, Keys to the Kingdom.  This 42-page manuscript is centered around Osan AB, but can easily be applied to anywhere in Korea.  These types of traditions don't exist in other places, therefore only add to the mystery and frigid thoughts of Korea.

Deployments, educational requirements, professional military educations, and dare I say, random injuries all seem to pop-up once they see Korea on their orders.  The most infamous last ditch effort the intel Airman has is to turn down the assignment to Korea.  Allegedly, Airmen are allowed to turn down an assignment, but if they get picked up for it again, it's a lock.  Most intel Airmen will tell others that if they get Korea, they'll just try to get another assignment to anywhere.   That and keeping their dream sheet filled with bases they know they'll get allow the Airmen to faithfully believe they'll avoid Korea for another four to five years.

There's an adage around intel circles which states: there are two types of Airmen-those that have been to Korea and those that haven't.  Most would like it to stay the latter.

#3: Dating (or marrying) their co-workers

It could be said that in any location you spend more time with your co-workers than you do your family.  When you see a certain someone every day for five or more of the seven days a week, they'll begin to be just like a significant other anyway.  Where the difference lies between any old office and what intel Airmen deals with is the fact that they spend upwards of 12 to 13 hours, in a dark room, no windows, literally elbow to elbow with your co-workers.  Outside of work, you generally stick together with your co-workers cause with your odd hours these guys will be ready to hit a restaurant or bar with you whilst your other friends are working or sleeping.  Generally, your co-workers are your travel partners being you almost never work to a point where you have weekends off.  An intel Airman's days off usually consist of when you can get them or during the weekday.  All of this togetherness creates an atmosphere by which your co-worker is in your life 80% of the time, becoming a real significant other is a pretty valid option.

Dating happens not just because they're Airmen; the reality that intel Airmen work and party so close, it's just a matter of time.  Additionally, the two Airmen realize that they work in some pretty special career fields.  Obviously not all intel Airmen have to date or marry an intel Airman, but since you can talk to your significant other about your job daily with your gripes and concerns helps the Airmen enjoy their partner even more.  If an intel Airman has dated a non-intel person, surely they've found it difficult to relay what kind of day they've had or how hard the training has been, etc.  One can't very well speak their mind about their day-to-day job in a restaurant after a long week.  Having your significant other understand your work certainly helps and appeals to the intel Airman.  Whether it's the extreme close proximity, dark rooms, extreme togetherness, or a sympathetic ear, intel Airmen always find time to date one another... and marry.

#2: Believing six-figure salaries await them on the outside

After an intel Airman is at their first duty station and they've passed some sort of training for their new duty, they'll begin to notice maybe one or two (or ten) plain clothes individuals working among them.  Actually, these days, they may have been trained by them.  These fine people are defense contractors and to some, the luckiest people on earth.  These contractors work side-by-side with the Airman and generally do the exact same thing as the Airman.  The only difference, besides what they wear to work: the contractors get paid double, sometimes triple, what the Airman receives.  After a few months of learning about the contracting world, the Airman's head will begin to fill will days of multiple interviews because, "your top secret clearance and military training are so damn valuable".  Yes, after about a solid year of working with contractors, they'll believe they are now ready for, nay, entitled to, a six-figure salary after they separate.

To compound the Airman's frustration about not being paid a massive sum is if the contractor doing the same job isn't even good at it.  Nothing hurts more than having to tell the contractor how to do their job properly after hearing over and over how much their paid.  Now, in defense of the contractors, they are instructed not to speak of salary and benefits to anyone at work.  Presumably to assure a happy workplace and to not upset other co-workers of the same company.  Even more painful for the Airman is if they are stationed overseas: now they get to hear how the contractor doesn't even pay federal taxes up to roughly $80,000 per year.  By now, the Airman's head is spinning.  They've hit the mother-load and picked the best career the Air Force has to offer.

However, what the Airman fails to acknowledge due to selective hearing or pure ignorance, is generally the contractor holds many things over the Airman.  They've probably retired from the military after at least 20 solid years of doing intel.  They've probably received a college degree.  Some have their sword razor sharp on both edges and attained 20+ years experience whilst graduating college.  To the Airman, this is just something that single contractor had on their resume.  It's okay to them because "your top secret clearance and military training are so damn valuable."  What the Airman fails to understand is that their four year enlistment isn't really four years of intel work.  They spent two months in basic training; six to seven months in technical training school; one to one and half months in First Term Airman Course (FTAC); and two to three months of training just to sit and do their job at an actual intel unit.  Let us not forget the Airman probably dropped leave after training school and/or after FTAC.  Additionally, since you get 30-days per year in leave, an Airman will gladly take it.  Thus, we have an Airman that has done about 2.75 years worth of actual intel work [queue Office Space voice over].  This is not what the Airman see's; however, it is glaringly obvious to a hiring department.

Airman have no leadership function other than being in charge of the Snack Fund that must be well stocked 7-days a week for their 24/7 office.  Aside from snack fund and trash duty, an Airman generally sits and observes.  They sit, they learn, and they satisfy their urge to explore the contracting world by sneaking a peek at indeed.com, usajobs.com, and topsecretclearanceexpo.com looking for something they could possibly fill. They'll tell their friends stories of "a guy they knew who got out and started at $105K a year..." so they can get feedback on how possible it really is.  Airman love to think of the great six-figure salary that awaits them, if they want it, right on the other side of the military.

#1: Knowing how to work the PFT to pass

Ever since 2004 and the introduction of the Air Force Physical Fitness Test (PFT) as the standard over the bike test, Airmen have been figuring out ways to pass the PFT.  For the majority of intel Airmen, our days of sitting in front of a 60-inch plasma add to the difficulty of simply being in shape 24/7.  Even worse, we're almost entirely locked inside our windowless buildings working our solid 12-hour shift without a chance of an hour long break to hit the gym.  Because of these hinderances, us intel Airmen sit around, score sheet in hand, figuring out what they need in each category in order to sneak in a 75 out of a 100 to pass.

First, the easiest category to predict is your waist.  Generally, based on your last PFT you can safely believe your waistline is roughly the same; yet, you'll definitely want to up the score by half to be safe.  Secondly, the run is your biggest hurdle as it's worth a whopping 60 points.  The Air Force provides inconvienient random stretches of run times like 11:23 - 11:38 or 15:21 - 15:50.  They don't even come in easy-to-do-math 30-second increments.  So here, the member likes to up the score by a lot to ensure they can get a sold 65 after the waist score.  In regards to the two final categories, push-ups and crunches, at 10 points apiece it's not as important to max these categories.  For most, a solid 7 in each is acceptable; however, for those that struggle in one category, they bounce back and forth between the run and the other category in order to find the elusive 75 score.

Getting a passing score is critical to avoid the dreaded weekly fitness classes and having to retest within 90-days.  The Airman will go back and forth to all the categories, writing their scores on scrap pieces of paper, and pretending their really not worried about the test, but that they are just making sure.  After they've secured a 75+, next they enjoy telling others how to get a passing score too.  Naturally, the Airman will gleefully tell others they pass every time and that it's "easy" to pass, so others shouldn't worry so much.

Yes, the Air Force has PT standards, we test twice a year (unless you get 90+, then you test annually).  For some, it's just another day at the gym.  For others, it's a looming death trap waiting to put your insecurities on display for the whole unit to see; however, we know how to get just enough to get by.